A Time to Cry

**I meant to post this on the 27th but I didn't have access to a computer**
On January 27th marked one year since my grandpa passed away. This is the first close relative of mine who has died. We were close with my Grandparents, we would go to their house every Sunday night growing up. My grandpa Jex was such a wonderful man. He was wise man and loved by many. (It's strange having to use the past tense) In fact his funeral was packed! Not just in the sense of, "whoa what a big family" but it was seriously celebrity status numbers. The chapel, choir seats, cultural hall, and stage were full.

I'm so grateful we were able to stay with them for a few months when we moved back to California. It was a blessing to be able to save up some money while we looked for an apartment but more than anything it was great to have that time with Grandpa. Every night we would sit down for dinner while both of my Grandparents would tell stories.

About 6 years ago he was diagnosed with some sickness that escapes my mind right now. Towards the end the family was taking turns staying overnight to help out. Most everyone was doing there part, especially my Aunt Karyn who was over there daily. On Friday most of my aunt and uncles were over with grandpa. John and I were staying at their house that night. My grandpa was so uncomfortable and unable to move, I started reading to him form the Ensign because he said it helped calm him down. I remember my Dad rubbing grandpa's back while I read and seeing silent tears fall down his face because he knew it wouldn't be much longer.

Through out the night I would get grandpa drinks or pillows, turn him over, rub his back and legs and such. He was not able to articulate his thoughts very well so it was difficult to know what he wanted. I started asking him yes/no questions like, "Grandpa do you want a drink?" if he said yes I would follow it up with, "Do you want water? (wait for a yes or no) "Do you want apple juice? Do you want club soda?" (he had 4 drinks on the bedside table). The asking of questions continued on through the night, I was doing everything I could to make him comfortable. At one point grandpa said, "LeeElle, will not talk so much please?" As you know I'm a talker but in my defense for the better part of the night I had to ask yes/no questions, nevertheless it is still funny and my family loves that story.

About 12:30 am John came in to take over for a while so I could sleep an hour later I woke up to give Grandpa his medicine. He was so sick and couldn't keep anything down. It was hard to watch such a strong man who I loved so much wither away. He would cry out for Heavenly Father to take him. It was so sad. I started praying for Heavenly Father to let grandpa go home because it was too difficult to watch him suffer so much. Around 2 am grandpa asked me to wake up grandma. She came and sat by his side and he leaned on her and said, "I'm sorry Nancy." (the past few years were hard for my grandma. My grandpa did everything he's always been solid and their to hold it all together but with the disease taking control of him there had been a role reversal) My grandma answered, "I know Bob, it's OK." Then they told each other that they loved one another. I was in such awe of my grandpa, even in his final hours he was more concerned for his sweetheart than himself. He would say, "LeeElle close the door a little more and turn down the light in the hall so it's not in grandma's face while she sleeps" He was such a wonderful example of sacrifice and love. Around 4:30 am he finally was able to calm down and rest. I went into the guest bedroom with the baby monitor close by in case he needed something and fell asleep. I woke up every hour to check on him. Then about 8 am grandma came in and asked me to try to wake grandpa she had already tried with no luck. I can't describe the thoughts or feelings that went through me at that time. There was fear and sadness but an overwhelming peace and strength. It is times like these that 1 Nephi 1:20 comes to mind, "...I, Nephi, will show unto you the tender mercies of the Lord..." I went in, Grandpa had in fact passed away. I then proceeded to call my uncles and aunts for my grandma. It's hard telling your dad that his dad has passed away. I was trying to be brave and strong but again I had help from on high.

I am so grateful that I was able to be there that night. When we're are faced with difficult situations it really puts our faith to the test. While I miss my grandpa a lot and am sad sometimes I am comforted with my knowledge that I will see him again. I know that death is not the end and that we have a loving Savior who came to earth and died so as to make it possible to return and live with him and our Father in Heaven. I am so thankful that I have that knowledge.