Business as Usual: March 2011

I've been the mother of two for four weeks, I believe that now qualifies me as an expert;)

I knew that I would get a wake up call when baby number two came. Having Cohen didn't kick my butt as bad as everyone said it would. I expected to be woken up at night and have exhausting days but the saving grace is that when he slept, I could sleep (though really that is sacred-this-is-the-only-opportunity-to-get-stuff-done-time).

Yes the night feeding(s) are taxing but the real killer to having two kids in my opinion is not the babies needs but rather my two year old. He still wants his mommy time, to be entertained, to go outside and play etc. What that means is very few opportunities for one sleep deprived mom to rest because of course as soon as one goes down for a nap the other one wakes up. Am I right or am I right?

When Cohen was born one of John's co-workers said, "Don't worry, your wife will like you again in six months." We didn't know what she meant, she said she was crazy after her kids were born. I luckily never experienced the postpartum hormonal craziness, in fact I've never been really hormonal (except maybe in high school). However this time, whoa nelly, it's been crazy, correction, I've been crazy. I'm super sensitive, I cry and get frustrated sometimes for no reason. My brain recognizes this but can't stop it. It's really annoying, just ask John. Poor man has had to bear the brunt of it.

There are days where I feel like I've got it together, I get dressed in something other than elastic wasted PJ bottoms and an old girls camp t-shirt, I do my hair & make-up, the kidlets and I venture out of the house and do errands, cross items off my to do list, and play. I make dinner, my house is clean, laundry is done, basically I feel like a good mom. I feel like me.

Then there are days like Wednesday and Thursday and probably tomorrow when I change out of one old t-shirt into another one because it's covered in baby vomit. Disney & Pixar are entertaining my child while I nurse for what feels like all day, the dishes have yet to be put away, my house is a mess, my teeth don't get brushed til 6:55 pm when I leave for youth group (I don't think I even brushed my hair), and we're eating chicken nuggets and clementines for dinner. Basically I feel like a bad mom

My type A personalty loves to be in control and right now I'm not and that's hard. It's hard having my house not being as clean as I'm used to it being. It's hard to breastfeed while your two year old is hanging on your back wanting to wrestle. It's hard to remain patient while trying to function on very little sleep. It's hard not being able to meet every one's needs. It's hard to make dinner. It's hard to get said two year old to bed at a decent time when your newborn is starving. It's hard to shower.

And yet,

It is all worth it.

I love being with Cohen & Brynn. I love it when Cohen comes up randomly throughout the day and gives me kisses. I love seeing Brynn smile. I love that I can calm them down when they are sad. I love hearing Cohen sing songs. I love being his interpreter for his always expanding sometimes hard to understand vocabulary. I love knowing Brynn's mannerisms. I love my cuddling time. And though this adjustment has been hard, ultimately,

I wouldn't have it any other way.

(well, that's a lie, I still want more sleep)